To be selfish FOR love....

*this blog was wrote on 10/29

"the Atlantic was born today and ill tell you how... i was standing on the edge of a perforated sphere as the water began filling holes.... making islands where no islands should go... i thought it less like a lake and more like a mote...i need you so much closer..."


I wonder some times how selfish we are in order to see our love win battles. The hippies wanted it so bad they'd put flowers in guns, protest in many different ways and do anything they could think of "in the name of peace" or "for peace".

I was talking to a great friend about how he would do anything for people to gain positive experience from a situation. He has a friend that he feels like he needs to help learn some positive lessons in life, this friend went on a 6 month vacation to come and venture on that path with him, seeking "life changing experiences". At the moment though they barely talk because of some situations that have manifested themselves. As a result this friend of his has seemed to give up on finding and desiring any positive "life changing" events/experiences/conversations etc etc. He expressed that he would give up his life if it meant his friend would be able to find the change they originally desired.

I have spend my life, searching/desiring/longing in one way or another for Love. At times I find the most of my selfishness is in the desire to be with that person, a passion deep within has called out their name and I long for their response. Wither it be distance, timing or the mundanes of everyday life I have always felt over anxious to be with my lover.

The bond that I feel towards another person has had a controlling grip on my life for many years. Many of these feelings come from past frustrations, a longing for recognition from my parents and other "beings" that I thought should have expressed their love towards me. Past relationships exaggerated these emotions and feelings by further leaving me with a heart of desire for shared love in relationships.

Recently however I brought these feelings "to the table" sort of speak for the lord to control, for him to romance me, for his love to meet with mine. It was a desire for me to be able to experience a loving relationship with him in concerns to my heart. Its not that I hadn't searched or experienced, expressed love with god before.
But I wanted a walk, a sort of husband wife relationship, he came through and freed me from many of these frustrations.

And as another situation arises in my current love life that keeps us separated for yet more time and distance I long for that love again, but with a different heart. For now my heart has been brought to hers through gods grace, I am romanced by him and with her through a combined spirit. I desire her with all of me as cliche as it sounds. There is no stronger calling in my selfish heart than to be with her. And as my soul communicates to my spirit (heart) and my mind I find an unusual comfort in knowing that we will be together in due time.

That is the easiest way to put it, it balances out the ying and yang to "love is easy" and "love is a battle field" within the battle of our love against the world I can see the beauty and bliss in what we have, the strength of it all.

At the end of the day I am grateful for God and Nasondra's companionship and I am excited for the times we do get together, learning from one another, and growing deeper in communion.

"...this is fact not fiction, for the first time in years...."

Intentions, are controllable expectations of oneself

Intentions
purpose: an anticipated outcome that is intended or that guides your planned actions

If we first start to look at the above definition after realizing how great of a word "purpose" is in itself, i stop at the word Anticipated which is simply defined as expected hopefully. When we expect hopefully out of a planned situation we are setting ourselves up for an enjoyable experience that we have prepared out of diligence. conscientiousness in paying proper attention to a task; giving the degree of care required in a given situation


Now that we have gotten the normal formalities out of the way for how i like to start blogs in this series (defining and splitting off in multiple directions all at once) lets start to look at the original word at hand.

Intentions, are controllable expectations of oneself. In another blog (that i have only started taking notes for) i go over expectations. HERE
Looking back at these "notes" i notice that it was the word expectation that started this very in depth blog. I stated in those notes "Expectations should derive from the truth in history" Intentions should be the standard in which we hold ourselves up to in order to create a certain level of expectation from those around us so that they don't have to assume. TALKED ABOUT HERE

Combining all of the thoughts mentioned above seem to have brought my fast busy mind to more of a rest. Knowing that intentions are the defiant base for all future expectations that one may judge you buy helps me realize just how careful you must be with the assumptions you lay out in front of you for people. It would however be healthier to discus your intentions in the first place rather than go over what your intentions were after the act. When you come to a mature enough state to express the intentions of both your actions and emotions you start to free yourself from your own thought process inviting those around you to know a great deal more about you, how you work, how good your word is, and what they can expect out of you for the future.

Leaving behind the person in personality

My thoughts of how I deal with learning to Love Someone, and my personal struggles with understanding the differences between loving a person and loving their personality.

Ok what a better time to write about this then now, I'm right in between loving a personality and I feel like I'm becoming in love with this person so.

These days we are so rapped up in wanting to be accepted so indulged in the crave to feel loved by another human being, I blame the parents...

As we look into this topic I hope you can start to identify if you really love someone or if you are just in love with some of their personality traits. You really can find a lot of awesome people with lovable traits. Most people on the world want to be nice people. Most of them want to "do onto others as is done onto you" and id like to believe that the greater population tries to do the right thing in every situation.

So lets all fall in love right! haha yeah, thats what many of us do. Notice that above I struggled writing that "id like to believe that the greater population...", you see I really believe that the population is getting worse and worse. Babies having babies, back talking spoiled kids, and the maturity of todays high school students show good examples of the decline of responsibility in our youth is becoming less and less every year. (lets not get off track GRR)

So back to learning the difference between loving a person and their personality.
Personality traits are the building blocks for the "tokens" that will become the love that you will have for a person. Out on the prowl for a mate you will meet a lot of very interesting people and with these encounters you will instantly notice certain things about them that you like and don't like, these are the personality traits that build the character that will determine if there is enough "material" present to start a relationship. In the same respect you will collect material on the other side of the scale, which i would hope would cause you to second guess your interests with this person.In every equation you where an operator is involved there are two sides of an equation and two sides of the operator.
EX 2+3=5 the 2 and 3 lay on one side of the equation and the 2 and the 3 lay on opposite sides of the operator. in order for the equation to be true, both sides of the equal sign must be true any way you read it.

Just like in relationships, you have to look at the good and the bad, and analyze the operators to find out if you can reach the proper answer on the other side of the equation.

Realize that you can love a lot of certain things about one person without getting together with them and that you can feel like you totally are in love with there awesomeness even thought there are some things that make you hesitant to the relationship.

There are many things that need to be said in this post but these are just my first few hrs of thought, please stay tuned ;)

spirit (believe)

My spirit my soul, my inner Jesus. This as i have discovered recently is a little heaven inside my being, its where God and his angels live, its a direct connection to my creator, it is the only part of me that is whole and complete. It is the only true ruler in which i measure my actions. As i learn how to let my mind and heart fall deeper into trust with my soul i will continue to become more knowledge able and better able to love. To my soul i owe my life, and with my soul i will continue to praise.
more to come...

heart (feel)

in my heart there is one driving force as to who i am and that is love, I may love to easily but thats who i am, my heart is here to love and although it may get me in trouble at times, its what ill do with it, someday my love will make my wife very happy. Today i hope that you will not abuse, or neglect my love, i hope you will use it to figure your heart out and i hope that we will learn to love one another, as god intended it to be. my heart only knows what it is intended to know, nothing more, nothing less

mind (think)

i can tell you this is certain:
I think because i have compassion for myself, for you, for the world around us. I think to help solve problems, thats why we all think, and i do it with true compassion for the world around me, thats why i think so hard.
more to come...

The pliable scale of Tolerance

Links within this document

Introduction
Definitions
Topic
My battle

NOT SURE HOW FINISHED THIS IS

In this "chapter" I will discuss a huge fault of man. a fault that leads people to allow certain "things" in their lives even though they know they are not good for them. I will use relationships and dating as the Topic of discussion because lets face it 98% of us want to be happily married and i think that if you become pliable and start tolerating the idea of not finding the best person for you, you wont be able to be completely happy... ill explain below ;) click the link above for "reading"



Pliable:
1. easily bent; flexible; supple: pliable leather.
2. easily influenced or persuaded; yielding: the pliable mind of youth.
3. adjusting readily to change; adaptable.

Tolerance
1. the power or capacity of an organism to tolerate unfavorable environmental conditions
2. a disposition to allow freedom of choice and behavior [syn: permissiveness] [ant: restrictiveness]
3. the act of tolerating something
4. willingness to recognize and respect the beliefs or practices of others [ant: intolerance]
5. a permissible difference; allowing some freedom to move within limits [syn: allowance]

Truth
1. Conformity to fact or actuality.
2. A statement proven to be or accepted as true.
3. Sincerity; integrity.
4. Fidelity to an original or standard.
5. Reality; actuality.



In the introduction I discussed being completely happy, lets get this out of the way first. Ill try to define this. Completely Happy is knowing that what ever happens you can always work though the issue, Complete happiness comes from having the spirit of God inside you, being able to work though issues and continuing to love someone is also a very "Godly" trait.

And we know from the definitions that pliable is something that is bendable
and that tolerance is the freedom to move with in a certain limit

A scale of tolerance in my mind is when you define a balance in your life of what is tolerable and what is not tolerable. When you try to define a balance you place certain things on each side of a scale measuring the good and bad. There are only two sides to that scale and they are pretty well defined as "things i will allow" and "things that i cant allow". When this side of the scale becomes "things that i shouldn't allow" or "things that i shouldn't touch often" you have become tolerant to a pliable scale. It can be very dangerous to play around in "the bad side" and if it is with something incredibly important to you, you should do everything you can to keep the scale black and white.

Example, if you are Christian and you love Jesus, you prob have created a little moral checklist with your Spirit about the things you will allow in your life and the things that you wont do (a moral scale of good and bad). you have created this list in hopes that you will do nothing wrong to upset God and that way you will be favored at the end of time. If you were to become pliable with this scale you would in turn be flirting with pissing off God if thats what you have defined as the purpose of creating this scale. In other words if the reason you created the scale was to keep away from the stuff you thought would not be good for you and would make God mad, then as soon as you start flirting with these "items" then you are flirting with "pissing off God".

The same can be said for relationships, dating, food, anything you measure.





I myself sometimes find it difficult to acknowledged that i create scales to balance my life, i just prefer not to judge, but when it comes down to it, God will judge me so if i don't create some sorta of way to judge myself i cant expect to keep myself "in check"

The process of dating is a long sometimes confusing journey of "throwing out the bait" and seeing if the "fish" you are trying to "get" likes your "bait". Often times we are so excited to see a nibble on this fishing pole that we will do everything we can to get this fish into the boat of a "relationship", no matter the type of fish. I believe we do this for many reasons, and i think that now days we want to be loved so badly we are willing to accept a fish that isn't the type of fish we need... enought calling the person we want to date a "fish" from here on out I will use myself and the word Woman instead of fish, to explain the scale of tolerance.

When looking for a Woman I personally have been very Pliable when choosing a person to date. (it should also be noted that i don't get into relationships with people if i don't think there is a possibility of marriage) The dangers of having pliable tolerance is that we start to let the "absolutes" we create for our "wife" become traits that can be learned or acquired during dating with a girlfriend. I believe that there are certain things that should be absolutes with a wife and i will have stop allowing myself not to seek out a girlfriend with the same quality's. For instance i need a wife that loves Jesus, hands down true absolute, good absolute, non dangerous, non selfish, quality wife trait. If i allow my self to be pliable to this absolute for some pretty girl that i hope God will eventually get to, i "sit" in lingo waiting for the girlfriend to become a wifeable (thats a barcus word) woman.